So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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