so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
