there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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