carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
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