And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize