Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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