Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
