Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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