I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
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So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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