it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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