Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
