I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
