Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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