if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I believe in your delicious
You ruined the universe
Randomize
