Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
