I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Two words: blizzard sex
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
