Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
