Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
