I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
