does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
