tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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