shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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