Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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