walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
