and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
