if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
