Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
