it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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