explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
