people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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