Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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