I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
