Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
