Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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