I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
