At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
