Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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