I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
