no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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