Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
