just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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