We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
