i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
