i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize