'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize