If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
