you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
