I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
