everyone is single if you try hard enough
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
