let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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