areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
