That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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