How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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