allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
