Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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