our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize