A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
