i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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