Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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