He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
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If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
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It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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