She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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