Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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