You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
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i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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