why didn't you poke me back
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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