You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
