Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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