I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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