epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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