and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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