Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
