I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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