It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
there is glitter all over my balls
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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