they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
