hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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