it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
please don't ironically join a cult
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