How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
