they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
A bitchslap is in order.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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