You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
