$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
