if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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