So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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