I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
