I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
